grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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