Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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