I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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