how can u be prego again
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
