We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
