She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
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I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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