My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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