Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
