Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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