doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
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Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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