I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
