He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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