The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
