Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
