Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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