mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
