Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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