The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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