i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You dont lie about slip and slides
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
