Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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