just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
