She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize