Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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