Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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