I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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