So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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