Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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