Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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