dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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