I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
