Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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