This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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