It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
