I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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