watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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