My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
