I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
