Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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