I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
