You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
