The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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