Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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