Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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