I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
