what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
