Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
