Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
