you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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