i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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