I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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