office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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