The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
