I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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