K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
