Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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