he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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