You're my little dorito
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
