i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Someone signed my nipple.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
