Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
