FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
