Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
