i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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