All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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