he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Shame is for Republicans.
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