Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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