I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
