Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He felt like a one man threesome
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
