i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
