Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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