i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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